You Can't Always Get What You Want
by irisfairy81
Summary: Rachel's life after she goes to college.  My first story.  Rachel/Finn. Reviews appreciated!    Complete!
1. Chapter 1

"It's better to be long distance, than not have him it all." She must have repeated those words to herself a hundred times as the plane took her away from him. She said it over and over to erase the memory of his tears as they said goodbye, and as she cried herself to sleep that first night, trying not to wake up her roommate.

She had had one goal her whole life, to be a star. It's the only dream she's even known, since she was old enough to know what it meant. It's the only thing she's been her whole life, even if it was only in her fathers eyes for the most part. She's finally in New York, she's finally where she wants to be. And yet, she's still alone. She knows it's going to be hard, but she's so close, she can't give up now. Even if it feels like she's left her heart hundreds of miles away. All she's ever wanted to do is leave Lima, Ohio and sing on Broadway and she's halfway to that goal.

She settles into her new life, her classes and her dorm. She's never made friends easily and she's not surprised it's no different here. She loves her classes and they are easy, because she already knows so much about singing and acting. She can't help feeling that everyday is a competition, a race to make sure she is noticed more than the others. She has to succeed, she has to be the best. Otherwise, she's afraid it won't be worth what she's given up to be here.

She holds on to her cell phone like a lifeline, waiting for his texts and calls. She needs him and she hates that, because he's taking her head out of the game. She's always wanted to be a star in New York City, and she's missing him so much, it all feels flat without him. Her dads say she sounds sad when they call her on the phone. They ask her about the city and she realizes, she's spent so much time on the phone and the computer talking to him, she's barely seen any of the city. She hardly knows her roommates and she hasn't done any of the things she's being planning to do her whole life. They sound disappointed in her and hope she isn't letting a boy get in the way of her dreams. She promises to focus more and she hopes she can keep the promise.

She's scrolling through Facebook pictures, he's posted pictures of the college apartment he's sharing with Puck and Mike. She's trying to ignore the pangs of jealousy she feels when she sees Tina and Quinn tagged in the pictures. It's hard though, when she clicks again and there's a photo of him with his arm around Quinn at a football game. She knows they're just friends, but she can't help but wish she were the one laughing with him there. And then she's mad at herself, because she finally has everything she's ever wanted. And it's enough. It has to be. That night she doesn't text him back, she asks her roommates if she can go out with them. And she has fun. She_ does_.

She tries to only text him once a day. She tells him she's busy, she's auditioning and then rehearsing for the drama department play. She doesn't say she's only the role of Townsperson #1. She knows she's only a Freshman, but she's not used to trying so hard and still not winning. She stays off Facebook, because the happy lives of her friends are only helping to emphasize how unhappy she is. Her dads come to see her in the play and they celebrate like she was the lead. She shows them all around "her" New York, and they are proud of how happy she seems. They take her home for the Winter break. He is waiting for her when she gets off the plane and she's in his arms almost before he sees her. She kisses him and she knows she hasn't felt more like herself in months.

They spend the whole break together, and it's almost like they were never apart. But he knows her and he knows she isn't telling him everything. He can feel her holding back. He knows she's slipping away. She's holding everything inside trying to keep from falling apart. She knows she would drop everything for him, if he asked, and she's praying he's strong enough to not ask. He doesn't want to fight, when they have so little time together. So he just holds her when she cries on New Year's Eve and they make love like it might be the last time. She wants to tell her dads she doesn't want to go back. But she sits in a house, surrounded by trophies from pagents and dance contests and singing contests and even Glee Club, and she thinks about how much they have sacrificed and given up to get her to this point and she can't do it.

Finn comes to take her to the airport. It's snowing a little and they are huddled together to say goodbye. She has been awake all night, dreading this moment. But she has to go back. He kisses her and presses something into her hand. It's a box. He says, "I know it's not big enough, but I love you. I want you to know that I'm waiting for you and we'll be together at the end. Please marry me?" And she wants to say yes, so badly, but she knows she can't do this anymore. She tucks the box into the pocket of his coat. "We can't do this anymore. I'm not strong enough. It's better this way." And she runs into the airport, hating herself. Her last image of him standing in the snow, tears running down his face will haunt her for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Rachel doesn't go home for Spring Break. She throws herself into her classes and auditions for the spring musical. She gets a better part this time. She is focused. Focused on school, focused on rehearsing. Focused on anything to keep herself from falling apart. She's barely holding it together. Her roommates hear her cry at night, but she won't talk about it. She goes out with them sometimes, but she isn't there, really. They don't know what to make of her. She does well in the play and her professor tells her she should try some auditions for things outside of school. Her dads are thrilled when she tells them, but she wishes she had someone else to tell. She hasn't talked to him since that night.

She still checks Facebook. She tells herself if she can see he's moved on and happy, she'll know she's made the right decision. He doesn't post much and when he does, it doesn't reveal anything. But she can see him in pictures on Quinn and Tina's page and he looks ok, so he must be happy. One of the pictures show him at a party, smiling at a pretty brunette. She knows she doesn't have the right to feel the stab of pain, but she feels it anyway. She tells herself she's not going to do this anymore and hides his profile on her page.

She auditions for a role in an off off Broadway play and she gets a minor part. Her dads are thrilled, even though it means she won't be home for the summer. They ask her if Finn will be visiting, and though she's skirted the issue before, she finally admits they are no longer together. They ask if she is happy and of course she says yes. But she isn't. And they can hear it in her voice. They ask her what happened and she says they grew apart. She says she has to go and she can't wait to see them when they come in for opening night. She hangs up, so they won't hear her cry.

They come to see her play and they meet her backstage with pride in their eyes and a huge bouquet of flowers. She can't believe she really just opened a play, just like she always dreamed. But even the cheers from the crowd and the excitement from her fathers can't fill the spot that's missing. The spot that's always empty. She closes her eyes and imagines, just for a minute that it's him she's hugging, and she thinks she could feel happy, but the moment passes and she puts on her show face for dinner with her dads. They ask if she'll be home at all for the summer, her show wraps soon and there will be time for a quick visit. She says she doesn't know. But they win her over and she promises she'll see them in a few weeks.

This time when she steps off the plane, all she can think about is last time she was in this airport and even the summer heat can't warm her up.

She's only home for a week, and that's more than enough, because she feels his presence everywhere. Every inch of her house holds memories of him. She remembers him kissing her good night on the front porch, neither of them wanting to break the kiss. She remembers the hours they spent on her couch, pretending to watch movies, but sneaking kisses whenever her dads would stop paying attention. She remembers dinners in the dining room, cooking their first meal together and being so proud of him for eating tofu. She almost asks to sleep in the guest room, because the memories in her room are even more painful, but her dads wouldn't understand and so she drops her bag and avoids going there for now. They ask if she'll see any of her Glee friends while she's in and she says she doesn't know. She didn't even tell them she was coming in, because she doesn't know what to say to them. But first Tina and then Mercedes text her and ask her to come to their end of summer party and she wants to see them so badly, she says yes before she thinks it through.

She gets ready nervously, hoping he's there and hoping he's not at the same time. The party is at the city pool and a lot of the college kids are home for the summer, so it's very crowded. She finds the Glee kids and is relieved he isn't there. She chats with Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt and tells them about the play she just wrapped and about the play she'll be auditioning for in the fall. She hopes she's being convincing about how happy she is, and she must be, because when he first sees her, he thinks she is sparkling. The fairy lights someone has decorated the pool with are winking in the dark and her eyes are laughing and she looks like home.

She can tell he is there, by the sudden silence from her friends and as she looks over her shoulder, her eyes collide with his and all she can think is that she's finally whole. She's missed him so much and she is standing and walking towards him, before she realizes she shouldn't.

"Hi." she says, shyly and there are a million things running through her head, but all she can see is his smile.

"Hi." he takes her hand and they walk toward a table that's been shoved out of the way in the corner of the grass. He doesn't know what to say, and she doesn't either. But finally he asks the one question he's been asking for months. "Why?" She looks down at her feet and twists the hem of her polka dotted dress in her hands.

"I loved you, love you, too much. My whole life we've sacrificed for this dream, it's all I've ever wanted. And you make me want you more."

"But I don't understand. I said I would wait for you, I can be your biggest fan, I love you so much, we can make it work. But you won't fight for us."

"I can't explain it. I can't make you understand. I barely understand. I just know that I can't focus when I'm with you. All I want is to be in your arms. I miss you so much, I lose sight of everything that's me. I don't want to wake up one day still living in a small town, with a husband and two kids and a dog and realize I lost my dream. And then I'd resent you. And I guess, I'd just rather you resented me."

"I could never resent you. I wish you could see how much I want you to succeed, I just want to be a part of your life. If I can't be your boyfriend, can we at least be friends?" He doesn't realize he's holding his breath until she says yes. He hugs her, a friendly hug, but it feels so good, she holds on just a little too long. They head back to the group, not touching but everyone can feel the tension between them and send them curious glances. They all reminisce about Glee Club and talk about the new school year. When the night ends and she finally has to leave, he walks her to her car and makes sure he still has the right phone number for her. He says he'll text her when school starts back up and leans in for a kiss before he remembers and awkwardly hugs her instead.

Her dads drop her off at the airport and when she sleeps on the plane, she dreams about him and hopes she's made the right choice this time.


	3. Chapter 3

He thinks the day she got on that plane and left him with a ring box in the snow might be the worst day of his life. That says a lot when he thinks of all the bad days he had Sophmore year before Regionals. He knows the proposal was crazy, it was his last ditch effort to keep her from pulling away completely and it backfired. He doesn't know who he is without her. He wouldn't have even gotten into college without her pushing him everyday and losing her isn't anything like losing Quinn. He's lost his anchor.

He doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up, but he knows he needs to decide soon. He wishes he could talk to her and ask her opinion, but he hasn't been able to since she walked away. He spends his time in gen ed classes and hanging out with Puck and Mike, but they have girlfriends and he's always a third wheel. He stops going out with them, only attending one party when Quinn begged him because Puck couldn't make it. He sees her taking pictures and tries to look happy, but everything reminds him how much he misses Rachel. At the end of the school year he's still miserable, but he's made the Dean's List and his advisor has been steering him towards the education path and he thinks being a teacher might be alright.

He knows she'll be at the end of summer party, he asked Tina to text her. Tina told him she would, if he promised not to make a fool of himself. He had to step away when she walked into the party, but he thinks he kept his promise in the end. He'll wait to text her though, because he doesn't want to scare her away, and he doesn't really know what to say. He's not sure he can just be friends.

School starts up a few weeks later, he's back in on campus in an apartment with Mike and Puck and Tina too, but on paper she lives in a dorm. Quinn isn't happy that Puck wouldn't move out with her and he's there a few weeks later when she stops by to pick up her things. He helps her carry the box to the car and in the moonlight, they are both struck by the thought of what might have been.

"Could you ever..." she starts and then stops, because they both know it would never work. And when he hugs her goodbye, it's for the last time.

Right before Winter break, he declares his education major and thinks maybe teaching history to middle schoolers could be pretty cool. He knows its the right choice when his advisor hands him a packet for a program that will repay his schooling if he spends 4 years teaching in an inner city school. He lists each of the borroughs of NYC as his top choices, but doesn't tell anyone.

He's been texting Rachel a little, about a movie she mentioned seeing on her Facebook page and the play she's rehearsing for where she's playing the second biggest female part. She sends him pictures of things in the city and they never talk about anything serious. She won't be home for break and he thinks that's ok, because he's not ready to tell her his plans yet. He needs to stay focused too.

He spends Christmas at home with his mom and Burt. They meet Kurt's boyfriend and as they try and dazzle everyone with their exciting California life, he keeps his secret safe and trys to convince everyone he's moved on.

At midnight, Rachel texts him a picture of Times Square and says "wish you were here." He wants to text back "me too" but just sends back "Happy New Years" and goes to sleep content for the first time in a long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Rachel thought she was glad he didn't acknowledge her 'wish you were here' text on New Years. A few glasses of champagne could really cloud your judgement. She is trying to be just friends with him, but it is so hard. The pull he has on her is just too strong. When school starts back up, she is anxious to start auditions for the spring musical. She has worked really hard and she thinks she could finally take the lead. It's a big disappointment a few weeks later when her senior rival grabs it instead. It's so hard for her here. Even in the relative small pool of the school, she isn't the best, it makes her nervous when she thinks of all the talented actresses she'll be competing with for Broadway roles. She vows to work even harder and picks up an extra acting class. Her dads are so encouraging and fly in to see everything she's in, even though the parts are minor.

Her roommates have been begging her to go out, they have boyfriends and want her to entertain their friends. She tries, but something is always wrong, the guys are too short or too thin or too smooth. Their kisses are too sure, their humor too sharp. Their hands don't hold hers the right way and they always say exactly the right thing. She makes excuses about their hair or their smile, that they aren't musically compatible, but really they just aren't him. Besides, they are all distractions to her ultimate goal and eventually they find easier dates.

She spends hours perfecting her monologue and her solo, and her dads are thrilled when she picks up the lead in a traveling production of 'Annie Get Your Gun'. She is secretly thrilled that one of the stops is in Columbus and she makes sure to post the schedule on Facebook. When Tina comments that some of the Glee kids will be there, she is equally thrilled and nervous. When school ends and the summer tour starts, she's surprised that she doesn't love it. It's kind of boring doing the same show every night and the cheering crowd isn't filling her up the way it used too. She tells herself she's just not focusing, and that Broadway will be so much better than this silly tour. They are doing three shows in Columbus and she gets more and more excited as the dates approach. She knows her friends are coming Saturday night, but they are being vague about who will actually be there. She saves them four front row seats at the Will Call and hopes one will be for him. When she steps out on stage, she spots a tall guy with shaggy hair in the front and even though she can't really see him, she knows it's him and suddenly the magic is back and she's shining like a star. When the show is finished, she hurries through her backstage rituals and hopes they are waiting for her out front as they planned. She sees him before they see her and she has to pull herself back so he won't know how happy she is. She hugs Tina and Mike and then turns to him and hugs him, trying to pretend it's the same as hugging Mike, but they both know it's not. Acting makes her hungry, so they decide to go to Waffle House for a late night snack before she has to be in for curfew. They catch her up on all the gossip and listen to her stories of traveling all summer. Later she can't really remember anything that was said, but she can vividly recall his proud smile and the warmth of his arm brushing hers at the table. When they drop her back at the hotel, he hugs her close and tells her she was really awesome on the stage. She wishes she could have a few more minutes with him.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" She asks, not really wanting the answer.

"Nah." he says "I'm just focusing on school right now. Next semester I get to spend some time in a classroom, I think I'm going to be a teacher."

"I think you'll be amazing." She says, and she wants to say more, but Mike is honking the horn and they really need to get back. He squeezes her arm and says don't be a stranger and walks to the car. She knows she pushed him away and she has no right to feel sad, but she misses him anyway. At her next show, she thinks that applause is no substitute for the warmth of his arms. But she shakes it off, because she has worked so hard for this her whole life, she can not quit.

She feels like she's being pulled in so many directions and she doesn't know how to make it stop. She's afraid that somewhere along the way her dreams might have changed. Maybe it was childish to think she could be famous. Maybe instead of a Tony and her name in lights, she wants Finn and a white picket fence. But she feels ashamed for even thinking that way. Before fall semester starts, she goes home to see her dads. She asks them what if she doesn't make it, what if she just isn't good enough? They laugh and tell her not to be silly. She was born to be a star. But they can see she's a little serious and they tell her that she shouldn't let a few auditions discourage her. It's tough to make it on Broadway, but they've raised her to reach for her dreams, she has barely given it a shot. Don't stop now. And she loves their excitement and passion for her dreams and she can't let them down.


	5. Chapter 5

Rachel tries to shake off her depression when she returns to school. She hopes she can get a part in the play and focus on that for awhile, but this year they are doing one with mostly male parts and the competition for the female parts is too high and she doesn't make the play at all. She still has to help with the sets and the costumes, but she has a lot of extra free time. Her roommates have lives that don't include her and she realizes she's never been so alone. She does a few auditions for plays outside of school, but they aren't really flexible about her class schedule and in the end none of them amount to anything. So she spends a lot of time on her computer. One night, she gets a message from Tina, and they start talking everyday. Rachel has never really had a girl friend before and she thinks she really likes it.

Tina tells her about how Mike has helped her get the courage to tell her parents she's going to be a writer, instead of a doctor like they've always wanted. Rachel wants to ask her how she got the courage to stand up to her parents, but instead she asks if Tina thinks Mike is 'the one.' Tina laughs into the phone and says she doesn't know, but she knows he makes her happy, that being with him makes her feel beautiful and confident, and that's enough for them. Rachel hopes her jealousy isn't evident over the phone, but it must be, because Tina mentions that Finn still isn't seeing anyone and wonders what happened to them. They were the "It Couple' the last two years of high school and it's so weird to think they didn't make it. Rachel doesn't know if it's the loneliness or the thrill of finally having a girlfriend, but before she can think it over, she's pouring her heart out on the phone.

She tells Tina how awful she feels for breaking up with Finn. She thought it was the best thing at the time, but now she's not so sure. Nothing in New York is what she thought it would be, she's so scared she's given up Finn only to fail at her dream. She tells Tina how lonely she is, that she's second guessing everything. She's lived her whole life with a goal and she doesn't know who she is anymore. Tina says only Rachel can know whether her dream is really to be a Broadway star or if it's something else. She says she shouldn't say anything, but that Rachel doesn't need to worry about Finn. He doesn't even look at other girls and the picture of them on their high school graduation is still sitting on his desk. Rachel smiles, because that picture is on her desk too, she loves the way they are standing in the picture, smiling at each other, their eyes full of promise. And suddenly, she feels guilty for giving up on them. Tina asks why Rachel broke up with him, and now the excuses feel weak, but she says them anyway. He's magnetic and she can't resist his pull. It's always Finn and Rachel with them, and her family doesn't think it's healthy. They think she needs to be just Rachel sometimes. They think it's too intense, but they don't seem to realize that even broken up, he still pulls her to him. They say 19 is too young and she has her whole life ahead of her. Tina asks if she's happy, and she says no, but she's not as brave as Tina. She can't tell her dads she doesn't want this anymore, not when they seem so sure she'll regret it. When she gets off the phone with Tina that night, she cries herself to sleep.

The rest of her year passes in a blur. She gets a call back from an audition for a charity play and she gets a big part in the spring musical. He hasn't been texting or talking to her much since her conversation with Tina, and she wonders if Tina told him what she said. He texts her 'break a leg' before the opening night of her musical and she's carries the memory of his first I love you with her the whole night.

When the school year ends, her advisor asks her what her summer plans are. She's been so busy with finals and the musical, she hasn't auditioned for anything and she thinks she'll spend the summer in Lima with her dads. Her dads seem surprised to see her, but she tells them this is probably the last time she'll be home for more than a visit, and they excitedly start planning for her summer vacation. She tells Tina her plans and is disappointed when she hears they won't be back for the summer. But she still feels happy at the thought of sleeping in her old room and visiting the other Glee kids, and goes to sleep hopeful about the future for the first time in a long time.


	6. Chapter 6

If you had told Finn at 16, that he was going to spend the rest of his life in a classroom, he would have laughed at you. But 20 year old Finn is a very different person. He's spent a few days observing classrooms for his major this year, and he can not wait to be the one in charge of the class. He's always loved being a leader and having people look up to him, he doesn't know why it took so long to figure out what he wanted to do. This year has been a great one for him, seeing Rachel in 'Annie Get Your Gun' and their conversation afterwards has left him feeling positive about their future, and he's so confident he's making the right decision about his career. He is looking forward to this summer, because Tina told him Rachel would be home. Tina also told him that Rachel's head was a mess and that he needed to be careful with her, but no matter how much he begs, she won't tell him more. He doesn't tell Rachel he'll be home for the summer, so he won't scare her into staying away.

His first steps into William McKinley High School that summer bring a wave of nostalgia. He is flooded with memories, bad ones of throwing slushies and crying Quinn, but a lot of good ones of a laughing brunette and twirling her around on the stage. He's here to meet Mr. Schuester, well, Will now, because he's going to be helping out with summer school for his summer job. At the end of their meeting, he's excited, even though his job is mainly making copies and tutoring some of the students who need extra help. When he walks out the front door, he sees her on the sidewalk and for a minute, he thinks he's imagining things, but then he can tell she's real by her shocked expression. _Play it cool._ He thinks to himself and he walks towards her slowly and waves. She asks what he's doing here and seems pretty surprised when he tells her he's teaching (_it's only a little stretch_). She says she's in town for the summer and is just dropping by to say hi to Mr. Schue. He asks if they can hang out sometime, just for old times sake.

"I'd like that." She says carefully. And he smiles at her and says he'll call. As he watches her walk away, he wonders how many days he should wait, his fingers itching to text her right now. He manages to wait a whole week and then asks if she'd like to go see a movie. He figures that will be the easiest, since they won't have to talk much. He's happy when she says yes, and more nervous than the day they performed at Nationals when he goes to pick her up. She laughs because he's still borrowing his mom's car and for a minute it feels like nothing has changed. He thinks that even if he doesn't see her the rest of the summer, the feel of her head on his shoulder and her fingers twined with his during the movie could be enough to last him a long time. When he drops her off, he just hugs her and says he hopes he'll see her soon. The rest of the summer is kind of the same. They go see a movie every weekend and text during the week about 'his kids' and the movie they saw or will see. He keeps things light and casual. He wants so much more, but he's trying to remember Tina's warning. The summer flies by and it's their last weekend together much too quickly. Instead of a movie, he asks her to pack a picnic and he takes her to the park.

There are about a million things he wants to tell her, but he's trying to choose his words carefully.

"Rach, where do we go from here?" He asks quietly. He's leaning against a tree and she's nestled beside him. She gets very still and he can feel the answering nudge when she shrugs her shoulders.

"It's been so nice this summer. I haven't had to think or worry. I wish it didn't have to change. When I go back, I'll finally be a Senior. I should get some great parts for my resume. It's just one more year and I'll be really auditioning for Broadway. All my dreams will come true." She tries to say it confidently, but her can hear the waver in her voice.

"What if...what if I call you sometimes? I could use someone to talk to, I start student teaching after Christmas and I'm nervous." He asks, holding back and trying not to ask for more.

"I think that would be ok." She says. She looks up at him, he can see the moon reflected in her eyes and wants to kiss her more than anything, but he doesn't want to risk it. He's being so so careful.

"You can kiss me if you want to." She says softly, he almost didn't hear her. But his eyes widen, and he whispers. "I want to." And closes the gap. Her lips are so soft and he's missed them so much. It ends much too quickly and their eyes meet.

"Rachel, I know you have dreams and more than anything, I want you to shine. I want you to be a star doing whatever makes you happy. I don't want to be the one that stands in the way. I'm not going to ask you to give up your dreams for me." He says it all fast, in one breath and she starts to speak, but he pushes on. "Can you just promise you'll wait for me? I've got it all figured out, I can come to New York after I graduate. I can work and you can audition and do plays and we can be happy. I know we can. Please."

He looks so hopeful and she can feel her resolve slipping away. "Ok." she says. "Let me get through this year alone. I can't have any distractions. But I promise I won't be with anyone else this year and we'll figure out next year together." He kisses her again, gently, and takes her home.

Her dads think her trip home must have been good for her. When they drop her at the airport, she looks happier than she has in a long time.


	7. Chapter 7

**I do not own Glee. I just love it a lot!**

Rachel heads back to school with a new goal. She is going to prove to her dads that it doesn't have to be either/or with Finn. She can be a star and have him. She just has to stay focused. This time, its easier. Neither of them is as clingy and if they don't text all day its ok. She isn't constantly checking his Facebook to make sure he's being faithful. He isn't constantly texting her to make sure he isn't forgotten in her big city life. They both know they only have to make it through this year apart.

She is so proud of herself for finally getting the lead in the drama department play, even though it means she won't go home for Christmas. Her dads are there for opening night, like always, and they joke about visiting her on Broadway next year with stars in their eyes. She smiles with them, but she doesn't tell them what a struggle it's going to be, that sometimes even the sheer force of Rachel Berry's will can't always get her what she wants.

The last night of the show is New Years Eve and when she walks through the lobby afterwards, she hears a familiar voice call her name. For a minute, she doesn't even believe it's real, but then she's running into his arms and kissing him the best hello. He tells her he drove all day to surprise her and he has to go back tomorrow, but he really wanted to see her one more time before summer. She asks if he wants to go to Times Square and see the ball drop, but he says they have forever for that madness and he just wants to spend the time with her. They stop on the way back to her dorm and pick up chinese food and a bottle of champagne. Her roommate is out for the night and he holds her as they watch the ball drop and the fireworks on tv. She pulls his face down to hers and they make fireworks of their own.

He barely sleeps, he tries to memorize everything about this moment. Her dark hair spread across the pillow, the rise and fall of her back as she sleeps, the way her arm tightens around his waist while she dreams, he needs to soak it all in, because it will be months before he sees her again. He kisses her awake when he sees the first morning light and he tells her goodbye. He won't be able to come back until school is over. She watches him drive away in Mike's car and tries to convince herself she didn't dream the whole thing. But her pillows smell like him and her roommates think she's crazy when she carries one around the dorm the rest of the day.

Her last semester of classes start and it's a busy time. She has to stage a 4 person play on campus for one of her finals and she's finally made the lead for the spring musical. She barely has a minute to think about right now, let alone what's next and she doesn't really pay attention when he asks what her plans are after graduation. But before she realizes it, its April and her dads are in for the last musical production and they are asking her what she's going to do next. She tells them she doesn't know. She thinks she won't come home and just go straight into auditioning. She hasn't had a minute to look for an apartment, but she promises she'll figure it out as soon as the play wraps. Finn texts her the next week and asks if they can plan a time to have a real conversation on the phone. It's late when he calls and she's sitting in her bed surrounded by homework. He makes small talk for a minute, but finally gets to the reason behind his call. He doesn't want to rush her and he's ok with whatever decision she makes, but his final decision on his loan reimbursement has come through and he's been placed in a school in the Bronx.

"I can share an apartment with one of the other guys in the program, but I just thought maybe you'd want to share with me instead?" and his whole body relaxes when she says yes. They excitedly make plans for his visit in a few weeks to look for an apartment and talk until her roommate throws a pillow at her. Her dads are concerned when she tells them her plans. Finn's a good kid, and they've always liked him, but they worry she'll be too distracted playing house to keep her priorities straight. She resists the urge to call them their priorities and eventually wins them over because she'll be safe with Finn, and at least living with him is better than living with some random person from Craigslist.

It doesn't go over so well at Finn's house either. His mother is heartbroken that he isn't coming home. She doesn't understand why everyone wants to leave Lima so badly. Lima is a great place to raise a family. Didn't Finn love growing up there? Well, didn't he? His ears go red at the thought of a family, but Burt is reigning her in and he placates her with promises of lots of visits and frequent Facebook updates. And she still cries buckets when he leaves, but he's so excited for the future it hardly phases him.

And the first morning he wakes up, with sun streaming in the tiny window and Rachel curled up in his arms, he thinks it's all been worth it.


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own Glee, I just really love it.**

Rachel thought she would be happier. Finn had saved enough money for the summer's rent, so she didn't have to get a job until fall. She spends all day auditioning and all night with him. There are a lot of good things, but it's been hard to realize that the star of Lima, Ohio is just another girl in New York City. She's been to every audition she comes across and she gets callbacks sometimes, but she has yet to get a role. By fall, she is discouraged and she has to work in a bookstore by the apartment to help pay the bills. She is envious of the new job Tina has, blogging for a make up website, and it's hard to watch how much joy Finn gets from his teaching job, when she feels like such a failure.

She loves spending time with Finn, in the evenings they lie on the couch and he tells her about the funny things his kids said and he listens to her audition horror stories. Sometimes they watch a movie or he helps her practice for an audition. He teases her that he can recite her monologue and sometimes he finds himself humming "On My Own" on his walk home from school.

They don't have a lot of money, so they don't get to go back to Lima until Christmas. They stay with Burt and Carole, because Rachel doesnt want to talk to her dads about why she doesn't have a role yet. On Christmas morning, Finn wakes her up, because he says he's too excited to wait another minute to give her her gift. She laughs, because he already gave her eight little gifts for Hanukkah and says he spoils her too much. But she loses her breath when he hands her a familiar blue box.

"I love you, Rachel. I can't promise you a New York penthouse or fancy cars, but I can promise to love you forever. Will you marry me?" And she can't speak, she just nods her head and smiles, kissing him in reply. They go downstairs so Carole can ooh and ahh at the ring, and her dads are so excited for wedding planning, they don't even mention Broadway. But things are suddenly going her way, and when they get back to New York, she books a musical, it's off off Broadway, but at least it pays. She throws herself into the role, hoping she'll lose her funk and really start to love performing again.

They let Carole handle all the wedding plans, since it will be in Lima and neither of them really cares about the details as long as they will be Mr. and Mrs. Hudson at the end. And when he kisses her at the end of the late summer ceremony, she's never felt more beautiful in her life. All of their friends and even some of their teachers are at the ceremony, but the day passes by in such a blur, she barely remembers talking to them. Before she knows it, the honeymoon is over and they are back in New York, getting ready for Finn's second year of teaching.

Finn's students love him, he tries to play it cool, but he is so proud of his "2016 Favorite Teacher" plaque. He loves teaching, especially History, it's like telling stories all day. Now that Rachel is his wife, he can't really think of anyway he could be happier. Except for his mom to stop asking him to give her some grandbabies and come home. He tells her someday, on the kids, anyway. He can't see Rachel ever moving back there, except sometimes, when he's picturing the future, he thinks it'd be sad if his mom couldn't babysit and it might be cool to see his son in a WMH football jersey. But he's pretty happy in New York, he loves coming home to Rachel every night.

His second year of teaching goes as well as his first. Rachel does a couple more plays and musicals, nothing long running and nothing on Broadway. She really loves doing the plays, especially when Finn or her dads are in the audience, but the auditioning is really burning her out. Rachel Hudson does not take rejection well. When she sees an ad for a community theater director in the classifieds, she circles it and calls the number before she can back down. They tell her they need someone to direct two fundraisers and their annual musical while their usual director takes 6 months for maternity leave. Rachel has a milllion ideas before she even hangs up the phone and later that week she nails the interview and walks away with the job. Finn comes home to find her pouring over scripts and he watches while she talks excitedly about all of her ideas and thinks he hasn't seen her this happy about anything since their glee club days.

Rachel watches her actors from the wings. It's their very first production under her direction and it's going well. She's got a list of things she'll change for next time, but she can't believe she's done this all by herself. And she feels like she's shown incredible restraint by not casting herself as the lead. At the end of the night, the cast takes their bows and they pull her out on the stage and hand her a bunch of roses and let her take a bow too. Her smile is huge, her eyes are sparkling, and she knows this applause is all for her. She feels like the star she's always wanted to be. When they ask her to stay on, because the old director doesn't want to come back from leave, she doesn't even have to think before she says yes. Her dads are a little disappointed she won't be on Broadway, but they've never been able to say no to her.

Now she has play rehearsals and finance meetings and networking events and Finn and her life is busy, but it's never been more perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

**I don't own Glee, I just love it a lot!**

Finn can't believe four years have flown by so quickly. He's fulfilled all of his requirements for his school loan repayment and the future is wide open. He can't decide if he should stay in this school or choose one of the offers from a higher paying district. Their tiny apartment is really feeling small and he'd kind of like a yard. He talks Rachel into looking at some bigger apartments in Brooklyn and even a few houses in New Jersey. She just can't get excited about any of them, but she knows they need to make a decision soon. She loves her theater job, and every now and then she casts herself in a role when she misses acting, but mostly she loves directing. She's been thinking a lot lately about what's next for them. Her dads and Carole are being much less subtle about wanting grandkids and when she sees pictures of Tina and Mikes' little girl on Facebook, she feels a little envious too.

They decide to see where he can get a job, and let that determine where they will live. He fills out a stack of applications while she's making dinner, ones for two private schools in Brooklyn and a public school in New Jersey. When she comes out of the bedroom with a packet in her hand, he starts babbling, he thinks she'll be mad.

"My mom just sent that one, and I put it in there. But I wasn't going to fill it out..." She stops him and says she thinks he should.

"Maybe it's time to go home, Finn. You could be close to your Mom and have a yard." He runs his fingers over the William McKinley High School letterhead and tries not to think to hard about it, because as much as he loves New York, he really misses home. "Besides," she says with a shy smile. "How can your mom babysit when she's so far away?" And his eyes go wide at her words and he can barely choke out "Are you..." before her smile and tears give it away. He pulls her into his lap and both the applications and their dinner are forgotten.

Rachel is sad when she turns in her resignation at the Community theater, but she's already checked into it and there are a few community theaters around Lima, and when she's ready she can get involved with any of them. Finn's application to WMHS was accepted almost immediately and he can't hide his excitement to be going home. The cost of living in Ohio is much lower than New York, and they are able to buy a little house a few streets away from his mom and Burt. Rachel's dads are disappointed she's given up on Broadway, but having their little girl home again and a baby coming soon go along way toward easing the sting.

Tina is thrilled to have Rachel living so closely and when Finn and Rachel announce they are having a boy, she starts planning the future Hudson-Chang wedding.

Sometimes, Rachel can't believe the way things have worked out. She spent her whole life chasing a dream, thinking that being famous and a star would bring her the attention she's always craved. But tonight, she stands on the stage of the Lima Community Theater and hears the applause of the crowd and she knows she's finally a star in her own little world. She gets recognized at the bank and the grocery (usually for being Coach Hudson's wife), but sometimes it's for her last musical at the little theater, and it's no Tony award, but it makes her feel special.

She watches her husband tossing a football with their two little boys, who look just like him, and she has never felt more successful. She thinks that song must be true. Sometimes, you can't get what you want, but you if you try, you might just get what you need.

**The End**


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